To be free from the good opinion of others

"Dear Diary, I seem to be attracting a number of situations where the gap between my perception and the other person's viewpoint is large which is leading to less than harmonious relationships.  It is especially challenging when that gap is between how I see myself and how I am perceived by others. I seem to spend too much time and energy trying to convince people of my intentions and I want them to appreciate who I really am, now... "

In NLP we talk about each person having a different map of reality (Download maps_of_the_world.pdf). According to Miller's Magic Number we can consciously process 7 +or- 2 chunks of information (ie 5 to 9). Yet research suggests that there are over 2 million bits of information available at any one time through our senses. So how do we get from 2 million plus down to 5 or 9?

We all have our personal filtering system which enables us to pay attention to those things that are most important to us based upon our values, beliefs, culture, experience etc. Our filters are always unique to us and we use them to make a "map of reality" - this is our individual perception of events and experience. We act as though our maps are reality even though these are created through massive amounts of distortion, generalisation and deletion. To grow and develop into the magnificent beings that we are, we need to find ways to pay attention to the additional information available and create fuller representations of our experiences.

We can learn to expand our maps and respect the map of the other person. We can recognise that their viewpoint is always based on their own experience and all maps our incomplete. Yet it can be hard if that map is about us and feels less than representative of who we believe we really are.

I once heard Dr Wayne Dyer talk about "freeing ourselves from the good opinion of others".  Some people find it easy to rely on their own judgments (often referred to as internal or self-referenced) and for others (external or other-referenced), we naturally seek out the approval of others. Whilst both traits have pros and cons, one of the biggest challenges for the externally referenced individual is to trust our sense of self and to allow others to hold their map of us as truth for them. We are not in control of the perceptions of other people, only our reactions to them.

As I write this post, the daily quote from Abraham Hicks arrives in my inbox..

"Do I have a responsibility to make the whole world beat to my drum?" No, nor could you. You beat your drum, and the Universe will respond to the drum that you are beating..There are as many different world being lived by as many different perceivers of the world as there are perceivers of the worlds"

Take time each day to connect to who you are. Create space in your schedule to sit and "be" with yourself and practice the art of self appreciation. Learn to love and appreciate yourself unconditionally. And in all of that, also know that whatever you think you are, you are always more than that...

"When the voice and the vision on the inside become more profound and more clear and loud than the opinions on the outside, you have mastered your life" - Dr John F Demartini D.C. Bsc

Comments

[Kate Trafford]

I think this may well be my life's work! Thanks for such an inspiring and "real" piece. And please keep these coming... ;)